Tough Cookies!!!!

Have you ever used the term, “tough cookies?” I have. It basically means tough sh%t! Lol That is how I viewed the holidays this year. There were sooooo many glorious sweet treats to choose from accompanied by stress in my personal/love life that I found it hard to resist temptation and those TOUGH COOKIES!!!!!! Lol

The holidays decided to leave me a gift of their own! 4lbs that I need to work back off! Well I guess the positive side to all this is a) I am monitoring my weight weekly so at least I caught it and can reverse the fa la la la la calories I consumed! And b) I learned once again, reinforced, inserted in to my memory banks that I CANNOT eat my feelings!!!!!!! It comes back on waaaaay too fast and I WILL NEVER go back to over 300 lbs again! I have seen the other side of the fence and I like it! I want to keep moving on to greener and greener pastures! I want to reach MY goal! I want to reach a comfortable weight that I can maintain for the rest of my life! 🙂 CAN I do this? Of course! Anyone can do whatever they wish if they want it badly enough! WILL I do this?! Absolutely!!!!!! I need to stay healthy for me and my daughter! She needs me as much as I need her! 🙂 I think I actually need her more than she needs me! Lol she is my whole world and my joy! She keeps me going everyday! 🙂 ❤

I have taken the proper steps to reverse my wreckless holiday cheer behavior. Joined the gym again with the resolutioners but it doesn't count cuz i didn't just make a resolution. I am making a way of life. One that I will need to keep learning, growing, and adjusting to for the rest of my life. I will keep at it. One day soon I'll be saying what cookies? Instead of tough cookies! Lol

I want to be able to wear this dress for years to come! Stay away cookies! Lol


Milestone Accomplished!

I am so very excited! For today I accomplished something that I think I have wanted even more than that specific “goal weight!” I FINALLY have made it to onederland! I am finally under 200 pounds for the first time in I can’t even recall!!!!!! Probably middle school?! Now I have a rejuvenated sense of can do power! Now I feel like I can reach my goal weight now! That’s my next milestone. Hit goal! Lol

I also have renewed excitement because I joined a 30 day challenge group and it has helped me shake up my routine and feel excited again about this whole battle. 🙂 it’s not even one of those ones that has the huge pot of money and competition going. It’s just all about a group of supportive people banding together to change their health. What more cold u ask for? Sure, those money challenge groups are cool and get people’s butt in gear. But I think they sometimes feel more like the show the biggest loser where it’s like a free for all battle to kick everyone’s butts and win! Win! Win! I’m more of a support each other and win together type girl so this is the challenge group for me! 🙂 anywho, I am one happy girl today! 🙂 I never thought I could get this far but now I KNOW that I can! Thanks to all the supportive people that read my blog, follow my Facebook page, and just support and encourage me in my everyday life! Thank you! 🙂 this is the workout we are doing. U add a rep each week! 🙂


One Year Later

Today, 11/5/2013, is my one year anniversary of getting Bariatric surgery. It marks the day that I reclaimed my life and not a moment too soon! I am so happy I made the decision to accept help and to make use of this valuable tool.

At first I was against it. I thought it was dangerous, was the easy way out, was cheating. I listened to opinion after opinion. I have my mom and dad to thank for making me go to a seminar where I could hear FACTS and make an informed decision and it turned out to be the right one FOR ME! That’s right. It isn’t for everyone. There are still many out there that look down their nose at surgery. But if that makes them feel better than happy judging! Cuz I am totally at peace with my choice.

I can now ride kennywood rides with my daughter, I can now fly on a plane without feeling anxious about the seatbelt light, I can run upstairs without feeling short of breath, I can bend over to pick something up off of the ground, I can fit comfortably in a booth, I can fit in to regular size clothing, and most importantly I know have the chance to live and be healthy and hopefully be around for many more years!

God led me down this path for a reason. He knew I needed help and I am so thankful He chose me! 🙂 thank you God! And thank you, Hope Bariatrics for saving my life!!!!



I know the title of this sounds so cliche. Yea, of course being happy is the key to good health right? Well, these days with happiness being so hard to come by, what’s a girl to do????

As I type this so much negativity is getting me down. I can literally feel the negativity in my chest. It’s not really a good feeling at all. I am longing for something comforting and something familiar. I want some miraculous recovery from these negative emotions. Nothing a pint of Ben and Jerry’s couldn’t fix in the past! But no! I can’t go there! I cannot allow food to be my security blanket anymore. Unless I want to go back to the scale toppling weight I was when I started this venture a year ago. It’s crazy how so much changes in one year. You think your life is going to go one way and BAM! It goes the opposite direction.

Occasionally life’s little surprises for us are pleasant. But I find a lot of times it’s just life trying to throw a huge kink in my step. How can I stop myself from slipping back to my food security?

I know a lot of people probably want to tell me to stop posting pictures of myself already! Yea, great! You lost a lot of weight! We know! Stop fishing for compliments! But I can’t. Those pictures and the people cheering me on are two of the biggest things that remind me of what I am doing. They keep me accountable for my actions and remind me of where I have been and where I am going. I’m afraid if I stop snapping those “selfies” I’ll forget how good I feel and forget that I am thinner. So many times my brain still feels like the 300+ pound me. It’s so weird! I still want to say I can’t do this or I won’t fit in that. Those pictures help me to be able to look and say oh yes! I can now! So I ask you to please be patient with me and not to think of me as conceited. That is so not what I am going for!

Another excellent motivational tool is keeping track of things that I absolutely can do now! Especially with my little ball of energy 2 year old! Now I don’t have to tell her, “no, mommy’s too tired to play with you.” Or, ” ask aunt bre to get it. I don’t feel like it.” Now I can play with her and not feel out of breath and not feel too lead butted to move. I can go to the playground with her. I can take her sled riding, I can chase her at the pool. I mean, sure, I still do get tired. Who doesn’t? But it is so much different now and I never want to have to say those things to her because I am too fat again.

I won’t lie. It’s still best to keep those foods that tempt me out of my house. Sure, if I go to a party or holiday, the occasional indulgence is fine. But I’m not going to go out and buy the box of little Debbie’s to sit on my counter cuz I know I won’t be able to stay away. Not that strong yet. I will admit it. I am not really sure I ever will be. I kind of feel like an addict where that is concerned. Would you keep alcohol in the house if you were an alcoholic? I think not.

Well I just wanted to share what keeps me out of the cookie jar when life has me down. 🙂 I hope this can maybe help someone else just say no to cookies! 🙂


It’s STILL Difficult Sometimes….

Hello everyone! I wonder if I even still have any readers cuz it has been so long. The one year anniversary is coming up in a few weeks for me and I can’t believe how far I have come and just how difficult it is even still to fight this battle.

So many things in life try to get you down, break you, stand in your way and there are times where I wonder if I can still hang on. There are days I look in the mirror and can’t believe how just one year ago I weighed over 300lbs. I also have those other days where I look and notice every lump, dimple, and bulge and I think great! I got a surgery and still have to wear a spank to feel more confident. My weight loss has begun to slow down as it does a year in, but I feel discouraged because I am still not where I want to be.

I’m at that place where I don’t really work out as much as I did in the beginning. I know I should but when you’re doing so many other things you could never do before it is hard to make as much time. But I’m thinking for the last 25lb stretch I better get my rump to the gym or in front of my DVD player and tv and break some sweat! Lol

I don’t regret my choice to do surgery. I feel that without it I never would have gotten this far. Even though I still have my down and out days I am so thankful and feel blessed but at times I can’t help but wonder just how many people still look at me and think I am fat. I feel so great right now that it is hard to imagine anyone might still see me that way but I know they do. Do I care? Most of the time, no. But it is a thought always in the back of my mind.

I also still find myself fighting the urge to snack. I am and always have been a bored eater. I try to combat that by at least making my snack a protein one so I can get my 70grams. But I have been away from home for over a month and when you’re staying with other people it’s hard to resist the urge to snack on dumb but yummy things. Or if there is a lack of protein filled options it is so easy to grab something pointless to calm the snack urge. :-/ see? No solution is perfect! I love being in Florida but it will be so nice to get back to my real routine and hopefully my last stretch poundage will come off. 🙂

In honor of being a new me I chopped off all my hair! I have always wanted a short, sexy, sassy hairstyle but when u have a blubbery neck and triple chins as I did with what I called the back fat neck hump on the back of my neck I just wanted to cover it all with hair! Well not anymore! Say hello to the new me! 🙂 I think I am going to start blogging again. There’s so much more to say! 🙂 ❤


Reflections of Summer

I know I haven’t been blogging much lately with summer festivities in full swing. With summer at a close, although I think that the seasons are thoroughly mixed up, it’s time to reflect on all I have learned about myself this summer. To know what has gotten stronger and what still needs worked on for the winter ahead and the holidays to come.

First off, not to bore anyone, but my will power needs worked on BIG TIME!!!! I have found through the summer I have none. If there is a sweet in the room or a yummy desert I have to have at least a little. One thing about that though is that IT’S OK to have a nibble or even a small serving once in a while when u are in a social setting or special occasion. But moderation is key. So yes, I am weak when it comes to goodies. But on the upside I am proud of myself for being able to have a small serving and not a heaping helping where I go back for seconds and maybe even thirds. That is a HUGE accomplishment for me. This is someone who use to be able to eat like 2 giant squares of birthday cake and then come back a few hours later for more. This is coming from someone who could think nothing of eating a whole box of girlscout cookies in one sitting and then move on to the next box. Now I can have a cookie and one is PLENTY! And ice cream? Nope! Can’t even eat it. It makes me nauseated and extremely lethargic because of all the sugar. So to satisfy my cold sweet tooth, cuz ice cream has ALWAYS been a weakness, I opt for a skinny cow ice cream sandwich now and then. Barely any sugar and only 150 calories. If u go with skinny bear Klondike sandwiches they are only 100! 🙂

For the longest time I would miss cheeseburgers after surgery. I would crave a delicious burger and my mouth would water. But all the bread just didn’t jive with my stomach. Well half the bun or even half the burger does wonders! Not only is the lean beef a gold source of protein but half is the perfect portion. 🙂 so this summer I learned a lot about portion control, and sharing! 🙂

This summer I developed a bit of a habit of trying to cram in my protein at bed time and giving in to my need for snacking late at night. It’s always been my thing but now I have learned to make wiser choices of snack that won’t break the calorie budget but will help me achieve my 60-70grams of protein! Like one of my protein cereal bars, or peanuts!

So any who, I’m not perfect and don’t claim to be. I sometimes make wrong choices as does everyone! Example: eating too many left over cupcakes from my daughter’s bday. Yea, just cuz I have one a day does not make it better! I learned the hard way by picking up 2lbs that I immediately had to work back off. Lesson learned!!!!!

Lastly, keeping a log of what u eat is the KEY to success! It holds u accountable and really let’s u know what needs changing in order to succeed. If you don’t have myfitnesspal I suggest u get it! It keeps track of ur calories, adjusts automatically in accordance with ur goals, u can easily add recipes and foods that aren’t already in there, and even keep track of ur water intake and exercise. It’s a valuable weight loss tool to ANY weight loss plan.

Anyway, thank u all for reading and have an amazon school year!!!!


The Blissful Twilight Zone Moment!

It’s funny how the scales of life change. My weight scale is decreasing while my personal non scale victories are increasing! Sometimes I just want to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.

We had a family gathering the other day and everyone made me feel so good about myself. It’s kind of nice to hear good things for a change rather than what diet I should try next which unfortunately was the norm of pretty much my whole life! It wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own and it wasn’t anyone being mean to me. Everyone was just worried. I was headed down the path to certain death. If my weight didn’t kill me, I, myself surely would have out of self loathing. I may not have actually taken my life literally, but the way I was going I may as well have been dead. I couldn’t participate in my own life. I was banned to the sidelines.

At the gathering we talked about how much weight I have lost so far and my mom even boasted how the shirt on my back was a *gasp* size large! That was a far cry from my regular xxxL or 26/28’s! Then the most glorious, musical words were uttered from my gorgeous skinny cousin who I never in a million years would have imagined I’d even fit in her “fat” clothes said, ” I have some tops that are large that I could have brought you.” Wait. What?! Me fit in my gorgeous skinny cousin’s “fat” clothes?! Never in a million years did I imagine that would happen! My goal is to hopefully one day soon be able to go shopping with her. That would be the best thing ever cuz I never even dreamed I would be close to wearing a top that used to be hers. She is still much thinner than me, but to get down to what she considers her “fat” clothes is a true personal victory for me! I hope she doesn’t kill me for writing this! Lol

I just feel so different and better. I never imagined I could ever feel like I belong anywhere but in a side show. But now I’m starting to feel as if I belong in this world with regular people. I can walk in a room now and not feel as if I stick out like a sore thumb. I can breathe and be active now. I don’t ever regret this choice for a moment. All the blood, sweat, and tears have been totally worth it! This is the tool that worked for me. Everyone has their own, be it weight watchers, Jenny, clean eating, south beach, ect. It’s all a journey! It’s all hard work and dedication! To each their own! Go chase ur dreams and u WILL get them! 🙂


Just Say No!

Those old voices can be difficult to get rid of. It is very challenging to change old ways of thinking and seeing yourself. It’s a daily struggle to have willpower and do what’s right for your health and body. Whoever said it was easy or that they never had trouble was lying.

There is so much pressure and exposure to eat so good they are bad for you foods! I am about to get a just say no tattoo! Lol

There is no real advice to combat this but good old fashioned will power and not having the temptations in your house. A lot of folks expect u to NEVER eat anything fattening or sweet but personally I believe moderation is key. If u really really want it, have a little! Chances are a little will satisfy ur craving and it won’t be the #1 thing on ur mind. 🙂


A New Day, New Beginning

114 lbs down 8 months after surgery. So much has changed in such a small amount of time on the outside. It’s definitely something to get used to, that’s for sure! But the inside, that’s the part after surgery that takes the longest to change and is probably the most important part of the body that needs to.

I have had and continue to have struggles with my inner demon. The one that still loves their ice cream slightly smooshy and melty as well as buttercream icing cakes with almond batter. Lol yep, I still want those things. Surgery didn’t remove the part of my brain that likes sweet things. But I am getting better at controlling it. Willpower is a bit easier to come by every time I can move without heavy breathing and play with my daughter. Today I was able to wrap a regular beach towel all the way around me. It’s those little things that help me to remember my journey, how far I have come, and where I have yet to go.

It’s very easy to get lax with routine when u lose over a hundred pounds. Quite often over the past few months I have stopped working out and using myfitnesspal. I told myself, “oh I can do it tomorrow.” Or ,” it’s summer. I’m out and about. I don’t have to work out.” Soon, I found myself gymin it once a month or once every couple weeks instead of 3-4 times a week as originally I was doing. I felt guilty. My weight loss started becoming less significant if at all and I’m not ready for that. I am not at my main goal where I’d start maintaining. I have more to lose before I get there. I knew I had to turn things around. I wanted to keep feeling better and losing more. I had to snap out of my comfort rut! I was getting too comfortable way too prematurely! Tomorrow needed to turn in to yesterday and fast! Lol

It took a friend of mine inviting me to go to the gym with her every week to make me wake up and realize I couldn’t have anymore excuses. I had to create my habits again. My healthy habits. Every day is a new beginning and I started mine today! 🙂 I am going to make a pact right here and now to recommit myself and get to my main goal weight! Then I can be proud! 🙂


Finding Me

this blog entry really says a lot about how I feel a lot of the time and why I am on my journey. I sometimes feel like there are so many expectations and that I always have to be perfect but I’m not. I’m human and no one is perfect. I still struggle daily with my food addiction even though I have lost over 100lbs and had surgery. My love of food didn’t go away I just have to learn to manage it and live life resisting my urge to slip in to my old habits. My family is a huge support system. Thank goodness my mom has been there to keep me in line. I’d be lost without her! Taking pics and comparing also helps me a great deal. My brain still doesn’t believe my pants size. It is hard to see yourself as thinner and to think like a thinner person. So taking pics really helps me to see the difference and stay on track. I never want to go back. I want to learn to be stronger and be able to control my eating habits. I want to live life, still enjoy food, but be able to be reasonable about it and not binge eat everything in site. The point of this post is for people to see that I’m still human. I don’t think I am perfect and I didn’t have some miracle lobotomy done with my surgery to make me hate food. I will struggle everyday just like I’m sure many of you do on your weight loss journeys. I want u to know that struggling happens and mistakes happen and it’s ok!!!! We all have to lean on each other, Address our problems, and most importantly reach out for help!!!! Anywho, in the words of Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump, “that’s all I have to say about that.”